December 3, 2008
Week 5 NFL predictions: The zaniness comes out
Allow me to share some predictions for the fifth week of the NFL's 2008 season.
Seattle at Giants
The Giants beat the Seahawks, achieving their first 4-0 start since 1990 by employing a taxonomist to prove that the "seahawk" is not a a species so much as a colloquial reference to the North American osprey -- whereas giants really do roam the earth (in packs).
Indianapolis at Houston
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The Colts finally romp to a convincing win, but they later apologize for spoiling the 100th game in Texans franchise history. Years later, the Colts will take their apology back.
Kansas City at Carolina
Needing just three yards to surpass Shannon Sharpe for most career yards receiving by a tight end (10,060), Chiefs star Tony Gonzalez makes several hundred catches, gains negative-10,060 yards and has his existence legally annulled.
Washington at Philly
The Redskins' offense preserves its turnover-free start, depriving fans of the exciting interceptions and fumbles they crave.
Tampa Bay at Denver
Coach Mike Shanahan rides the Broncos' No. 1 offense to his 150th career victory. He then rides a bucking bronco and falls off for the 150th time.
Cincinnati at Dallas
A promising offensive matchup goes awry when Cowboys receiver Terrell Owens runs onto the Texas Stadium turf and tackles the Bengals' Chad Ocho Cinco, scuttling a breakaway touchdown but injuring T.O.'s ego, which he intended to protect.
Pittsburgh at Jacksonville
Filling in for his injured betters, third-string Steelers running back Mewelde Moore is pleased to gain 18 yards in 10 carries to lead the most boring offense ever.
New England at S.F.
The 49ers retire Steve Young's No. 8 jersey at halftime; Patriots coach Bill Belichick is caught tearfully videotaping the ceremony.
Note: Last weekend's column about my unexpected lead going the final weekend of amNY's fantasy baseball playoffs was followed by this news: I won the friggin' league!
Mixx it!
Copyright © 2008, AM New York
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