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Patience and planning ease family stress

Family need not cause wedding day problems

By Marla Caceres | Tribune Media Services

One of the best parts of your wedding day is being able to share your joy with your friends and family. Often, though, those same people you hold so close to your heart unknowingly inflict added stress on an already stressful day.

"Sometimes people just want to help and don't know how, and sometimes they just don't know what their duties are," says Lovelynn VanderHorst, a wedding coordinator who runs her own wedding planning service, Lovelynn Wedding Design, in Pasadena, Calif. "People forget that it's their job to do whatever they can to make the bride and groom feel special."

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Your mom, dad, relatives, bridesmaids, groomsmen and grandparents will all be there on your wedding day. Make sure you know how to prevent any conflicts, stresses or sticky situations before they happen. Here's how:

Strangers in the night. Chances are many of your wedding guests may be meeting one another for the first time on your wedding day. Make these introductions smoother by arranging for your out-of-town guests to meet at a pre-wedding function, such as the rehearsal dinner.

"The rehearsal dinner is a great way for out-of-towners who haven't met to break the ice," says Judy Sangregorio co-author of "Terrific Wedding Tips for a Joyful and Stress-Free Celebration" (1stBooks Library, $13.50.) "There's less pressure at the rehearsal dinner, and it makes any out-of-towners feel more welcome."

Sangregorio suggests holding the rehearsal dinner two nights before your wedding day -- the extra day in between gives everyone time to relax before the big day.

Mother may not always know best. Many brides find that their moms can be a bit difficult to deal with during the wedding planning process. However, if you don't work on your problems during the planning stage, they can carry over into the actual wedding day.

"A lot of moms try to take control of the event because they're planning what they didn't get to have at their weddings," VanderHorst says. "You have to pick your battles and give in to your mom on the things that aren't as important to you. But don't wait until the last day to figure it all out. You don't want any surprises and battles on your wedding day."

If you fear there may be no way around your mom on your wedding day, consider hiring a wedding planner -- even if just for the big day. The presence of a planner takes the pressure off you and your mom.

"Do you really want your mom running all over the place doing everything? A wedding planner takes the pressure off the mother -- that way you can say, 'Mom, someone else is handling it,'" Sangregorio says. "If you can't afford a wedding planner, you can ask an organized friend or family member to help."

Musical chairs. Every family has its own feuds -- even if it's only between two people. To prevent tension between feuding family members from flaring up, take the time to carefully plan seating arrangements. If you're employing a wedding planner, you can let them take the heat from any dissatisfied family members.

"I have been in a lot of situations with stepparents, divorced parents -- you wouldn't begin to imagine the creativity we have to incorporate to keep things smooth," says Lisa Adams, a senior planning consultant with Sand Castles Wedding Planners and Event coordinators in Phoenix, Ariz. "If guests happen to pose a question to the bride and groom regarding their seating, they can refer them to the wedding consultant. If you don't have a consultant, you can let them know that seating was based strictly on who returned RSVPs first."

You can avoid seating conflicts during the ceremony, too.

"Have your ushers or wedding consultants escort the guest to their row and ask them, 'Would you be comfortable sitting in this row?'" Adams says. "If you have a situation where someone has a problem with someone on one side, they can feel free to sit on the other side."

Children can also pose a difficult seating question. Experts say the best thing to do is set up a children's table complete with quiet activities -- like coloring books and sticker books -- that will keep them occupied until the music starts.

If you're having a large number of children at your wedding, you may want to consider hiring a babysitter for the event.

"If you're getting married in a large location, you can ask them for a separate room and hire a nanny or two, or even an entertainer -- like a singer or a kids' magician," Sangregorio says.

In the end, the best way to avoid problems with family members and friends on your wedding day is to prepare for them.

"Be patient and, above all, be organized," Sangregorio says. "The more organized everyone is, the smoother everything will go."

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Patience and planning ease family stress

Family need not cause wedding day problems

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