The holiday season emphasizes merriment enjoyed alongside family. But for those who have lost a young child, grandchild or sibling, this time of year might instead conjure up painful memories. Members of the Compassionate Friends of Williamsburg hope to remind such individuals that they are not alone with a gathering at St. Martin’s Episcopal Church Sunday.
“We just get together as a community and we open our hearts and we share the grief,” said Charlotte Moyler, event coordinator for the Williamsburg group. “We want people to feel welcome. We just want people to feel love.”
Sunday’s event is one of hundreds of similar endeavors hosted all over the world by other chapters of Compassionate Friends. Each December, the global organization encourages candle lighting ceremonies, in public or one’s own home, to signify the memories of those taken before their time remain alive and thriving in the face of such tragedy. The group focuses mainly on those who have lost children, although departed grandchildren and siblings are also honored.
“It’s nice because it’s a difficult time of year for people who have lost children,” said Moyler, who lost her 17-year-old daughter, Maggie, to suicide.
She recalled the first holiday period after Maggie’s death, as she wondered what to make of her daughter’s Christmas stocking. A friend gave her a small angel with which to adorn the stocking, a small but impactful gesture.
“I’ll never forget it,” Moyler said. “It just fills me with joy instead of feeling sad.”
That’s the point of Sunday’s ceremony. The memories are painful because they are joyous, and a supportive community exists to help wrestle with such complex emotions. Attendees are encouraged to bring a picture of their lost loved one, and families can take turns sharing related stories, if they feel up to doing so. A bell will ring after each person is honored.
Hannah Creager, the chaplaincy director for Williamsburg’s Hospice House, will conduct the climactic candle lighting ceremony. When Creager was eight years old, her parents had a baby girl named Suzannah. But due to a brain deformity, Suzannah lived for just three days.
“The candles themselves are this beautiful representation of the fact that our children’s spirits still shine brightly in our lives,” Creager said. “In the midst of the darkness all around us, we become more aware and in tune with just how many of us there are.”
The local group also meets at the Williamsburg Hospice House once a month. Creager said we live in a culture that encourages people to internalize grief, out of concern that it’s inappropriate or uncomfortable for others. The group of Compassionate Friends encourages people to express that grief among peers.
“Child loss is not supposed to happen, and when we sit together, we can just share in the joys and the sorrows and the heartbreak, but also we look for the love along the way,” Moyler said. “By coming, you’re not alone.”
Want to go?
Doors open at 6 p.m. Sunday at St. Martin’s Episcopal Church, 1333 Jamestown Road. The program begins at 6:30 p.m.; the candle lighting commences at 7 p.m. Free.
Compassionate Friends of Williamsburg meets the second Monday of each month at the Williamsburg Hospice House, 4445 Powhatan Parkway. For more information, visit bit.ly/2AkWUBP or call 253-1220.
