So how many times does twenty-four go into ninety-four? Anyway you look at it, three packages are not going to work. Try four. Four times twenty four candles per package would seem just about right with a few left over for one’s darling husband’s celebration in April. Some birth dates are awkward, occurring on super football weekends or dazzling shoe sales at prominent women’s stores downtown. Any shoe sale is more fun than attending somebody’s else’s birthday cake and ice cream bash. The appearance of an honoree’s rapidly advancing decrepitude since her last birthday may give one pause, a matter of deep “uh-ohs” of shock, but silence prevails as the honoree smiles showing off her very own teeth that are still in her mouth. Nobody has false teeth any more.
The emergence of super energetic 90-year olds all over this country, (many being U.S. ex-presidency related) is a pain in the neck to us who are just toddling along enjoying eating whatever the heck we want to and having Margaritas with pals whenever. I just wish those over-achievers would shut up before they go leaping out of airplanes and doing marathons of some description or other, or, worse, marrying somebody of the opposite sex who is 46 years younger … such as Dick Van Dyke, as much as we all love him. For Valentine’s Day my sweetheart husband gave me a copy of Dick’s newest book “Keep Moving,” which I love; Dick has some good lines in it, something like: He is an analog guy trying to live in a digital world. Well, aren’t we all? I’m thinking about writing a sequel called “Keep Breathing,” which is really what it’s all about.
Of course, marrying and being happy with one’s true love who is 24 years younger than one’s self is fine with me, because that is exactly what I did when I was only 78 and married my sweetheart who was a kid of 54. It has worked for us for 16 years though some folks said it wouldn’t last.
About those birthday candles though: How do you arrange 94 candles on a 24×30-inch cake? Let’s see: Ten across the top and nine columns going down. Impossible.
My hairdresser, Becky, who graduated from Gloucester High School in 2008, had a good idea, namely that the Party Time store probably had big plastic nines and fours for the top of the cake. The only trouble with that is that I didn’t like it: I wanted all the candles to be lighted at once, necessitating the presence of our heroes from the James City County Fire and Rescue Squad. Unfortunately, that was not to be and a bunch of candles were placed Willy-Nilly (anybody we know socially?) by a nearby daughter and then lighted with the super long lighter we bought just for events like this. I was blissfully happy nevertheless.
However, there was a problem. Even with the marvelous help of Michelle and Anna, my step-daughters and lots of other tender-heated family and friends, I was woefully behind and I didn’t have any mascara on! Let’s hope that all the resulting photos taken by participants with their little digital thingy, otherwise known as Smartphones, have now been accidentally deleted or better yet, dropped into Lake Michigan, know what I mean?
One of my best presents on my 94th birthday was the surprise appearance of our sweet, beauteous granddaughter, Jill. She got up at 4 a.m. to drive from Virginia Tech, from which university she will graduate this spring. She’s really not all that anxious to leave the VT campus. She arrived at our house in Williamsburg before noon. She drove the 12-hour round trip in one day as if she were driving around the block. You can’t beat youth when it comes to going to parties.
Bailey has been a regular contributor to The Virginia Gazette for 25 years.
