FISA fiasco shows ‘Fox & Friends’ controls Trump

I have some bad news, folks: The fate of our country rests in the hands of a Fox News morning show called “Fox & Friends.”

It’s President Donald Trump’s favorite show — probably because the hosts share his aversion to facts — and he often spends his mornings watching it and tweeting out quotes from the program or responses to issues being discussed.

Having the leader of the free world engage in daily stream-of-consciousness tweets based on low-bar cable television news chatter might seem like a good idea — it’s like improvisational jazz, only with a higher probability of starting a nuclear war — but sometimes it causes problems.

Like Thursday morning, when Trump heard someone on “Fox & Friends” raising questions about a government surveillance bill up for reauthorization, suggesting it was a bad idea. Logically, the president of the United States of America listened to the person on his TV and sent a tweet that contradicted the position his own White House and national security team have taken on the bill.

The tweet read: “‘House votes on controversial FISA ACT today.’ This is the act that may have been used, with the help of the discredited and phony Dossier, to so badly surveil and abuse the Trump Campaign by the previous administration and others?”

Aside from that being a bunch of unrelated and conspiratorial jibber-jabber, it also contradicted a statement the White House issued Wednesday night strongly supporting reauthorization of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act.

Trump’s early morning tweet sowed chaos in Congress as Democrats who want greater privacy measures in the bill tried to get it pulled from consideration.

About an hour later, Trump sent another tweet, reversing course back to support for FISA: “With that being said, I have personally directed the fix to the unmasking process since taking office and today’s vote is about foreign surveillance of foreign bad guys on foreign land. We need it! Get smart!”

Yes, get smart, you people doing what the White House fully supported right up until a guy on “Fox & Friends” told the president not to support it!

(The House went on to pass the legislation Thursday morning, after the confusion subsided.)

What we’ve learned from this episode — one I’m sure Republican lawmakers who have spent months working to pass the reauthorization really enjoyed — is that “Fox & Friends” can get President Trump to do whatever it wants.

If hosts Steve Doocy, Brian Kilmeade, and Ainsley Earhardt did a segment on how trains cause cancer, the president would immediately tweet: “TRAINS ARE KILLING HARDWORKING AMERICANS! I will fix this, and FAST. Amtrak is officially BANNED and I’m closing all subway systems until further notice. #MAGA”

If they talked about the lack of chimpanzees on Broadway, Trump would tweet: “The LOSERS on Broadway do not listen to Americans, who have a right to see more chimpanzees on stage. Why no chimps? We will be looking very closely at strengthening chimpanzee actor employment laws. CRAZY!”

So I’m calling on the “Fox & Friends” crew to recognize the awesome power it wields and use it for good.

For example: Consider a lengthy segment on how President Barack Obama never sent every American an envelope full of money, and explain how polling suggests that any president who sent every American an envelope full of money would be highly respected. Then stare into the camera and wink.

Or perhaps do a piece on “self-impeachment,” then turn to the camera and say: “Mr. President, you could be the first-ever president to take this bold step. Imagine what an honor that would be.”

The possibilities are endless, but so far you all seem to be focusing more on the crazy/loony stuff that makes it likely we won’t live to see 2019.

So please, “Fox & Friends” — or, if I may, President Cable Morning Show — help make America great by sensibly guiding the president you control.

Our fate is in your hands.

God help us all.

rhuppke@chicagotribune.com

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