Political correctness comes home to roost

If your mom complained about your having to stand for the national anthem at a recent high school basketball game, the athletic staff will discontinue this tradition just for you.

If the homeroom teacher asked for respectful bowed heads after a national tragedy and you were uncomfortable, there will no longer be a silent gesture for any tragedy.

If you are experiencing a "confused gender" day, please use the gender unspecific bathroom down the hall.

If someone uttered, "God Bless You" when you sneezed during History 101, on Wednesday and this offended you, allergy pills will be dispensed in the nurse's office.

If it was too noisy for you to concentrate during the final biology exam, a soundproof room will be arranged.

If Dad does not approve of your being exposed to prayer in homeroom, the administration will ban prayer in every room.

If on Thursday at your office, you wore brown and yellow and someone snickered disrespectfully, co-workers will purchase three professionally appropriate combinations in other colors for Thursday attire.

If you are disturbed by the following comments: "Oh, Man, Holy Buckets, Shut-Up, Stupid, LOL, Crazy, That's Garbage," or a suspected stare down, rolling of the eyes from a few insensitive office mates, you will be granted indefinite paid time-off to seek counsel in recovering self-esteem.

If you are constantly interrupted while expressing your opposite point of view, the school will cancel all debate forms.

If your team lost fairly, honestly, appropriately, justly, impartially, fear not, each member of the team will receive a trophy honoring participation.

If a teacher gives you "the look" in class when your book report is overdue by days, have Mom ask for an extension, a new book, further instructions, a sample report.

If you live in a community or vacation in a neighborhood resort where homes display the USA flag, please refrain from doing so. It sends a wrong message to foreign cultures.

If you are distraught by recent election results and simply cannot function while preparing for the mid-term exams, you may skip the classes and make up the tests and lectures when the upset passes.

If you choose not to exercise your right to vote because both candidates were unacceptable, you own that right. You may ride the protest bus to demonstrate anger and objection to those who did vote, the ultimate example of political correctness.

I respect your right to disagree with my point of view. I will neither lecture nor scold you in front of an audience. It wouldn't be politically correct.

Barbara Knowles is a resident of James City County

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