Crash trial a time of sadness, rage

Rita Rabinowitz , the wife of the limo driver Stanley Rabinowitz who was killed when his limo was struck by Martin Heidgen driving the wrong way on the Meadowbrook Parkway, reacts during a break in the trial. (Newsday / Karen Wiles Stabile)

It was the last day of the trial before the case went to the jury. Clutching her chest, Rita Rabinowitz looked up at the skylights in the hallway of the Nassau County courthouse, and with tears in her eyes let out a guttural wail. It was a cry of anger, frustration and loss that was a month in the making, ever since the trial of Martin Heidgen forced her to rein in her emotions.

In the past four weeks, dozens of relatives of crash victims Stanley Rabinowitz, 59, the driver, and Katie Flynn, 7, have packed the courthouse during a roller coaster of a trial. Displays of grief in all of its forms have erupted daily. For some, such as Rita Rabinowitz, 62, getting through the trial meant trying to keep emotion tucked away.

For some family members, their rage at Heidgen has seeped out as each day of the trial forced them to relive their grief. "You get past some of the hurt and you start to get over it, and then you've got to come back to court and all that hurt is back in your face and it doesn't stop," said Stanley's son Keith Rabinowitz, 32, of Copiague. "If ... [Heidgen] had died [in the crash], it would have been a blessing for all of us."

Rita Rabinowitz's outburst this week was a rare show of the pain she's kept under wraps.

"I was so traumatized and in such shock that I was just going through the motions," said Rabinowitz, of Farmingdale, Stanley's wife. "Now, with this trial, it's making it real for me. I'm dealing with reality for the first time."

Heidgen, 25, of Valley Stream, is accused of murder for driving drunk the wrong way on the Meadowbrook Parkway on July 2, 2005, and hitting a limousine that was returning from a wedding. Injured were Katie's parents, Neil and Jennifer Flynn, and Jennifer's parents, Chris and Denise Tangney, all of Long Beach.

The torment of waiting for a verdict since Wednesday is the latest burden the families bear. The trial was emotionally charged from the start, with early testimony from crash survivors about Katie's decapitation and their own horrific injuries. Family members are quick to correct themselves if they utter the word "accident," substituting "crash" or "murder." Neil Flynn and other relatives speak with an infuriated certainty when they call Heidgen a murderer. Adding to their ire has been a seemingly unemotional Heidgen.

"There are people out there who send letters saying how sorry they are who were never even involved in an accident, because they have a heart," Keith Rabinowitz said. "He was the one who caused this and he still doesn't show remorse."

Heidgen's victims are not only the deceased, relatives say, adding his actions that night shattered the lives of those who sit in the brown vinyl seats of the courthouse every day. Liz Hudak, 52, Katie's great-aunt, was one of the first to arrive at the crash scene, sitting beside Jennifer as she cradled her daughter's head in her hands.

The crash, she said, "essentially killed my family."

"My brother has the body of a 78-year-old and he's 58," she said of Chris Tangney. "He's aged 20 to 30 years because of this ... Neil was a young, athletic guy. Now he's limited forever. ... [Heidgen] not only killed Katie, he killed the rest of them, too."

Feelings are normal

All of the emotions experienced during the trial, from sadness to rage, are to be expected and vary individually, said Mark Lerner, a Commack psychologist and traumatic-stress consultant. "I've seen one person react emotionally whereas another might be impacted cognitively, while another might be withdrawn," Lerner said. "These are all very normal reactions in the face of a very abnormal experience."

For Hudak, solace was found temporarily in pen and paper. Every day in court, Hudak filled three notebooks with every detail of the trial -- and hasn't reread a word. "I needed to do something other than look at my family because I look at them and they're heartbroken," she said. "And if someone can't attend one day, I can be the memory for my family if they want it."

Part of the impetus to attend the trial was to hear the details she had to block out to get through the ordeal. But some days were harder than others. When the video from the limo camera was played, Hudak ran from the courtroom in tears.

Hudak was one of the last people to leave the courtroom every day. She waited until Heidgen said goodbye to his family and was led away in handcuffs. "When he turns to see his parents, I want him to see somebody in my family's face," Hudak said. "I want him to remember, because of what I have to remember every night."

Trial's physical demands

Slogging through day after day of the trial has also been physically demanding on the family, said Hudak's sister, Gail Schwarting, 46, of South Hempstead. Chris and Denise Tangney are in constant discomfort sitting for such long stretches, she said. Even those not involved in the crash are hurting, she said. The stress of the trial has led to canker sores, blisters, shingles, stomachaches and weight loss.

But something positive may come from this, she said. Although some family members said they see a murder conviction as inevitable, Schwarting said the family is prepared for a conviction on lesser charges.

"We're realists," she said. "How much worse can it be than losing Katie? If he gets one year or a million years, it doesn't change that for me, but I think maybe if he gets a lot of time, somebody might be affected by it and make a conscious decision not to drink and drive."

Schwarting, a workers' compensation claim examiner, said she has had to adjust her hours because of the trial, often working nights and weekends to be in court. "Some days, it's just too much," she said. But she said she forges on to provide emotional stability for her 12-year-old daughter, who was devastated by Katie's death.

"Going to the trial felt like the only thing we could do," Schwarting said. "Martin Heidgen killed Katie and Stanley, but we can't let him keep killing us."