Here it is: Super Bowl Hype 101

Shaun Powell
January 24, 2008

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The upcoming pre-Super Bowl event promises to last longer than the game itself, longer than Tom Coughlin's recovery from frostbite, Bill Belichick's frown, Tom Brady's love for his supermodel sweetie and yes, even longer than Tiki Barber's frequent bites of crow.

Super Hype, that is.

It begins with a trickle today, when both teams report back to work, and escalates next week, when someone inevitably asks Eli Manning how long has he been Peyton's younger brother.

The Super Bowl always takes on a life of its own because there is so much to describe but only so many ways to describe it. Everything and everyone will be examined, analyzed, debated, inflated and feted and will make us all sedated. That's because the pundits will outnumber the actual players in Arizona about 20-1, roughly the odds of the Giants springing the upset.

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So once again, as an annual public service to those readers who just might find better things to do over the next 10 days, we offer a preview of the stories that surely will be ground into dust by the media before kickoff.

Brady is America's Golden Boy. If a red-blooded male could pick anyone to switch lives with, you figure Brady would make the final cut, along with Tiger Woods, David Beckham and Matt Damon. He's young, healthy, decent-looking, a major star, weighed down with Super Bowl bling and has a hottie for a squeeze. What's not to like?

Basically, he has the part down pat, and no matter what happens a week from Sunday, Brady can't really lose now, can he? If he can impregnate his former girlfriend, who had his child out of wedlock, and not suffer an ounce of backlash from society, what does that say about Brady? Or a better question: What does that say about society?

Eli has escaped the shadow of Peyton. You think? Eli has come into his own lately with his inability to make big mistakes. Somehow, his passes are winding up in the hands of his receivers, and his decision-making makes him appear older than he is. That's what happens when you spend a few rough years playing quarterback in the New York glare. It ages you.

If Eli pulls this off, he'll be the toast of the town, but there's also a sickening fear he might actually have toast named after him. Peyton already hawks every product imaginable on TV, and even with his dry personality, can the mass marketing of Eli, who plays in a bigger city, be far behind?

Coughlin is suddenly a softy. Talk about an exaggeration. Based on stories about the "new" Coughlin, you get the impression he's getting more hugs than your pillow. In reality, the old Coughlin as a rampaging ogre was a stretch, just like the new Coughlin morphing into Chris Rock during team meetings. The reality is somewhere in between. Coughlin's a tough guy who does things his way, but he has acknowledged that tapping certain players on the fanny, these days, is part of the job description.

The unbeaten Patriots are making the unbeaten 1972 Dolphins squirm. For years, members of that Dolphins team would clink champagne glasses whenever an undefeated team lost. The cork has stayed in the bottle this season, however, because the Patriots have a very realistic chance of running the table. If so, those Dolphins will be forced to fill those glasses with tears while sharing the distinction of being one of two teams to finish without a scratch.

But if that happens, the Dolphins might finally learn to keep their record in perspective, because it can never be broken, only tied. Seriously, somebody might erase Wilt's record of 100 points in a game, or DiMaggio's 56-game hitting streak, or Gretzky's goals. But if you think a team will go one better than undefeated, then you need to take another math course.

Randy Moss is a great receiver. Well, duh. Nobody ever questioned his skills, only his desire. This is the same player who, while with the Vikings, said he plays whenever he feels like it, and who mailed it in while with the Raiders. When things are going swell, Moss is great to have around. When things sour, Moss throws his team for a loss.

One day, he'll be in Canton, where he'll become the first player in the Hall with cornrows, and a frown, on his bust.

That's your Super Hype, soon to be supersized.

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