Month by month

December 28, 2004

January

Vanilla Ice has to cancel promotional appearances for VH1's Surreal Life reality show after being scratched by his sparring partner, a wallaroo named Bucky.

Super Size Me debuts at the Sundance Film Festival. In it, documentary filmmaker Morgan Spurlock eats only McDonald's for 30 days. He gains 25 pounds, and his cholesterol rises from 160 to 230. Frightened consumers switch to Taco Bell.

A gang of green monkeys at Airport Hertz Rent-a-Car in Dania Beach begins throwing mango pits at people, using trash can lids as cymbals, climbing into and messing up newly washed vehicles and jumping trampoline-style on their roofs.

With the help of Justin Timberlake, Janet Jackson reveals her pierced breast at the Super Bowl, simultaneously causing a national decency uproar and a TiVo rewind record.

Mark Roberts is arrested for criminal trespassing for racing onto the field during the Super Bowl wearing only a thong. No one wanted to tackle him.

Michigan quarter is released. It's awesome.

After a 10-6 season, H. Wayne Huizenga strips Miami Dolphins head coach Dave Wannstedt of his personnel power. Dan Marino joins team as senior vice president of football operations and says he's thrilled to have a chance still to win a Super Bowl, even if it's from behind a desk.

Ashley Judd needs to make a good movie.

During Iowa presidential primary, Democratic candidate Howard Dean let's out primal scream, showing hint of real emotion and passion. Democrats drop him immediately.

Britney Spears marries childhood friend Jason Alexander in Las Vegas. The bride wears jeans and a baseball cap.

Britney Spears annuls new marriage after 55 hours, which seems about right.

February

Fort Lauderdale-based TV producer Sula Miller wants to use Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire" in a hemorrhoid commercial, but the late music icon's family declines. "We would never allow the song to be demeaned like that," Cash's daughter Roseanne responds. "The song is about the transformative power of love, and that's what it has always meant to me, and that's what it will always mean to the Cash children." Yeah, but it's funny.

Due to Super Bowl fiasco, Janet Jackson is banned from this year's Grammy Awards.

Davie clothing-store owners notice hip-hoppers have suddenly taken a liking to giant cowboy buckles. The store manager at TeePee Western Wear says, "It was usually skinny white guys. Now, I'm seeing the younger black guys, and they go for the bigger buckles."

Britney Spears goes on a do-rag shopping spree in Santa Monica, Calif.

Dan Marino resigns from Dolphins' front office. It's not for him.

Miami Dolphins give up a second-round draft pick and a $3 million signing bonus to acquire quarterback A.J. Feeley, whose only NFL experience was starting five games in 2002.

The Passion of the Christ is released. Viewers are so shocked by the beating Jesus takes that they go back to see the movie three and four times.

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