The Lesters

Our movie critic doles out her annual dubious-achievement awards.

by Barbara Lester

December 28, 2004

Actor who could find a place in a bad '80s hair band: Colin Farrell, for his curly blond do and shag in Alexander and simply the worst wig of the year in A Home at the End of the World

Best little tush displays: Gael García Bernal in Bad Education, Brad Pitt in Troy and Colin Farrell in Alexander

Biggest mammaries: Selma Blair in A Dirty Shame

Best sex scene featuring puppets: Team America: World Police

Best reason to wish for the return of Pokémon: Yu-Gi-Oh!

Best toga-party movies: Alexander, Troy and The Passion of the Christ

Most pathetic reversal of fortune: Oscar winner Adrien Brody (for The Pianist in 2002), playing the village idiot in M. Night Shyamalan's The Village

Worst trend: Product placement in movie titles such as Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle and the upcoming Because of Winn-Dixie

She's whose mother? Angelina Jolie, 29, played the mother of Colin Farrell, 28, in Alexander. The filmmakers didn't even bother to age her with makeup. Couldn't they find one older actress in Hollywood to play the part?

The penis we didn't want to see: Vincent Gallo's, in The Brown Bunny

The penis they didn't want us to see: Colin Farrell's, which was edited out of A Home at the End of the World

Movie all of three people saw, and be glad you weren't among them: Superbabies

Worst horror movie of the century: Van Helsing, which features cows terrorized by desperate and misguided vampiresses

Most welcomely overexposed comedian: Ben Stiller, in Along Came Polly, Dodgeball and Meet the Fockers

Fun couple of the year: Liam Neeson and Laura Linney, in Kinsey

Best reason to watch the credits: Eurotrip. Watch them, you'll see.

Guilty pleasure that will make you want to wear a bag over your head while renting it at the video store: Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights

Best reasons 2004 was a bad year for Nicole Kidman: Dogville, The Stepford Wives and Birth, in which she takes a bath with a 10-year-old boy. Ugh!

Comedy that won't make you laugh even once: Welcome to Mooseport

Why Kevin Smith needs to go back to filming inside a convenience store: Jersey Girl

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The Lesters

Our movie critic doles out her annual dubious-achievement awards.

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