My fellow Americans, here we are again: a State of the Union address from United States President Donald Trump. We have passed through another year in time — 365 more days of “artful deals,” shutting down the federal government, “Executive Time,” and so on and so forth.
To commemorate the second SOTU address from the current Trump administration — as well as its 747th day — RedEye has put together its annual drinking guide for the affair. Stay informed, but also hydrated and entertained.
And, please, imbibe responsibly! RedEye discourages unhealthy drinking habits.
Take one drink whenever …
– Trump mentions “jobs”
– Trump references a “witch hunt”
– Trump brings up the wall
– Trump drops any of his favorite rhetorical bits:
“Many people are saying …”
“You’re hearing it more and more …”
“Believe me,”
“I know more / a lot about X …”
Take two drinks whenever …
– Trump makes an allusion — intentional or otherwise — to an indicted member of his administration or campaign
– Trump does the thing where he pauses, squints and inhales sharply
– Trump butchers someone’s name
– Trump blames the shutdown on someone else
– Trump uses an incomplete sentence
Finish your drink whenever …
– Trump sneaks in a nickname:
“Crooked Hillary”
“Pocahontas”
“Cryin’ Chuck”
“Gutless Howard”
– Trump gets a partial standing ovation
– Trump invokes the “Space Force”
– Trump references a historical figure or event incorrectly
Take a shot whenever …
– Trump explains what he meant by a “Human Wall” this morning
– Trump alludes to hanging out with attractive famous women in 1990s NYC
– Tiffany Trump shows up
Head back to the liquor store if …
– Trump declares a national state of emergency
Optional bonus round:
– Shut off the TV
– Go do anything else
– Ignore the SOTU entirely
2019 State of the Union address: 8 p.m. CST Tuesday, Feb. 5.
adlukach@chicagotribune.com | @lucheezy
